Keith Starky Explains Twitter

Daily deep-dive analysis of a specimen from the modern world's most exciting communication medium for penis humor.

Keith Starky is a leading researcher in the field of Advanced Sparse-Tree Social Networking Systems from Washington Polytechnical Institute in Indianapolis, Indiana. This "weblog" is part of his ongoing research in humor propagation and fluid reputation dynamics.

Please contact him at with any questions you might have.

"Twootenanny" Post-Mortem

Kip here. Prof. Starky just got back from the “Twootenanny” in Pittsburgh. He made many great observations of the “tweeters” in their natural habitat from an airduct near where many of the “tweeters” were sitting. Let me share some of his notes with you:

  • They hand out paper hearts and stars to one another in person, which is interesting. Some of them seem very eager to get the stars, though none of them actually ate the stars themselves. I assume that when they went to the bathroom they ate them or stuffed them into their cheek-pouches.
  • As on Twitter itself, they seem to worship bacon like a god, distributing many bacon-related items amongst them. I grow ever more concerned for the inclusiveness of Twitter for people who do not eat bacon, because even Jewish, Muslim and Mormon people deserve the joy of “tweeting.”
  • Did you know you can still smoke in the bars in Pittsburgh? It’s like a fucking third-world country here.

The rest of the notes are pretty blurry, and Prof. Starky is in no condition to explain them to me because apparently he was observing the party from an air duct nearby and all of the smoke inhalation has made him pretty incoherent. Still, a pretty good first attempt at in situ “tweeter” research, I think.


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