Keith Starky Explains Twitter

Daily deep-dive analysis of a specimen from the modern world's most exciting communication medium for penis humor.

Keith Starky is a leading researcher in the field of Advanced Sparse-Tree Social Networking Systems from Washington Polytechnical Institute in Indianapolis, Indiana. This "weblog" is part of his ongoing research in humor propagation and fluid reputation dynamics.

Please contact him at with any questions you might have.

(Note: If you’re reading this via your tumblr “dashboard,” you might wish to click through for additional images.)

An excellent “tweet” today. As you may know, I am infatuated with shorter “tweet” specimens as their ambiguity (and in some cases, near ineffability) provides far greater opportunity for the authors to hint at or deliver deeper truths.

However, today I have picked a longer “tweet” that seems upon first glance to be nothing more than a simple (but amusing) statement regarding man’s position simultaneously both above and among the “beasts of the field.” Indeed, comparing one’s abilities against those of the animal kingdom is both cheering and depressing, indicating that the definition of animals, the sum total of the very characteristics that make an animal an animal per se (nice teeth, glossy coat, cute little bunny ears, excellent ups1) and not something else (like, say, a nice toaster2) is a sine qua non for defining humanity itself.

This point is excellently made, and if 95% of readers come away from this “tweet” with only this single thought, then I (and hopefully the author) will be quite pleased.

(Rabbits themselves are interesting to discuss in that they represent something of a paradox themselves: they are horrible little animals,3 but they are also proven to be nature’s least hatable creatures.4 No one knows why this is.)

But there is a deeper meaning worth pondering here: in our ever-more-interconnected world, when carrot-biting aficionados can easily gather in their own carroty corner of cyberspace, what does the author say about loneliness and misanthropism by comparing herself to a rabbit? Does the author mean to demonstrate a world where attempting to excel at anything (in this case, biting things) is so confused by the sheer number of ways in which people can be and are now compared that excellence itself is a bit of animal nature that we now transcend? And to what end??

All in all, quite a thought-provoking “tweet.” I look forward to further excellent thoughts from the author.



A rabbit, in grass


Not a rabbit, in snow5

3 Mostly because you can’t trust one not to pee on you if you hold one in your lap for five minutes even if you are wearing nice pants, and don’t let it anywhere near your power cords because it’ll just chew right through those like they’re made out of rabbit candy without regard for whether your TiVo was in the middle of recording America’s Next Top Model, which is like the only thing that makes Wednesdays tolerable, and it knows you can’t do anything about it because it’s your wife’s rabbit and it knows somehow that you’re emotionally hamstrung by confrontation and have you read Watership Down?

4 You heard me, pandas.

5Photo by killbox.


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